Spouse Relations and Duties

 

Divine commandments are a light. Illuminating the darkened horizons of human nature; impulses, desires, emotions and biases; the divine commands in the Holy Qur'an offer profound teachings of great subtlety and much wisdom for our own benefit in the varied settings of life.  Hence, the Holy Qur’an promotes prudential course of conduct in family and social relations, recognizing the identity, capacity, authority, role and functions of individuals: between husbands and wives, parents and children, relatives in the home. It is God’s extraordinary mercy and grace that we have these sublime teachings and guidelines of proper conduct.  

For instance, the Qur’an provides a well-balanced framework of rules on spouse relations and duties, to be observed in marital space by the partners, but also when the going gets tough, with disputes leading to separation and divorce, impacting the lives of not just the spouses, but also their children and the wider family. By following the Divine teachings on love and mercy, good morals, and on just and fair dealings; spouses can enjoy the ‘bliss of heaven’ on earth. On the other hand, by evading and ignoring divine prescriptions; rebelling against divine prohibitions, couples turn their matrimonial home into a virtual hell on earth.

Balancing Rights and Duties

 

Man is a social being. Just living requires the recognition of the duties we owe to others, just as we seek to exercise our own individual and other social rights in the community. Islam provides a range of teachings that address the fine balance of rights and duties to be achieved in society as well as in family; in our relations with parents, spouse/s, children, other members of the clan. In this series of special discourses, Imam- Jamaat Ul Sahih Al Islam Hazrat Muhyiuddin Al Khalifatullah Munir Ahmad Azim (aba) of Mauritius comprehensively explains the vital considerations of justice, compassion and benevolence the Holy Prophet of Islam (sa) took into account while giving shape to the interpretation of rights and duties in social contexts. Read the Part 4 of this series, Friday Sermon of 02 September 2022 ~04 Safar 1444 AH below:  

Fulfilling the Rights of Fellow Muslims 

 

Alhamdulillah, Summa Alhamdulillah, I continue today the subject of my sermon on the rights of our fellow Muslims, especially the rights of the parents, and to what limit should they be obeyed, and the rights of one’s own child and spouse in respect of obedience to parents.

Rights and Justice in the Family

 

'Respect Rights; Fulfill Duties'- 2

By the grace of Allah, I pursue the same subject-matter of my sermon of last Friday in which I talked about the having great considerations for the rights of our Muslim brethren. The rights explained are applicable to all Muslims in general. However, it is obvious that the importance and significance of rights will increase if these are related to special people.

 

In regard to rights, parents enjoy priority and greater significance because of their close relationship with their offspring. The rights of parents are unanimously accepted. I will not therefore elaborate on the details of these rights, as they are foremost mentioned in the Holy Quran and Hadiths, unless the parents deviates the child and intimates him or her to adopt false gods other than the true God, i.e. Allah. But even then, despite the wall of difference between parents and children who do not share the same faith, whether the parents are true Muslims and their children non-Muslims or vice-versa, even then Islam while ordaining the believers not to obey the disbelievers, even if they be their parents when they force them [i.e. the children] to worship others than Allah, Islam also commands that the non-Muslim parents be respected and treated well. They are not to be obeyed in religious matters, but concerning the affairs of the world, the children should show consideration and respect towards them and pray for their salvation.

 

In all things [and situations] there should be a balance. Like I taught you about the equilibrium which there needs to be in one’s own reform and preaching the unity and message of Allah, likewise, Islam teaches equilibrium of the rights of parents. Almighty Allah says in the Holy Quran: “Surely, Allah commands you to deliver trusts to those entitled to them, and that, when you judge between people, judge with justice.” (An-Nisa, 4: 59)

Conjugal Relations in Islam

Imam Bukhari mentions a Hadith of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), reported by Hazrat Abu Huraira (ra) which is as follows: “If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning.”

 

There are many women who, as a result of a dispute between themselves and their husbands, think that they are punishing them (i.e. their husbands) by not allowing them to satisfy their carnal desires. However, this attitude can lead to serious problems that can lead the husband to commit a prohibited act or things can turn against her (i.e. the wife) and he will think about getting married to a second woman. The wife must therefore satisfy his desire by putting into practice a recommendation of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh):  “If the man calls his wife for sexual intercourse, she must answer spontaneously even if she is on the saddle of a camel!” 

 

All the same, the husband must also take into account the condition of his wife, who may be sick, pregnant or have trouble, all this to reach an agreement (with her, mutual agreement) without difficulty.

Divinely Revealed Prayers- IV

Invocations- Part 4

Alhamdulillah Summa Alhamdulillah, it is purely by the grace of Allah that I am able to continue my sermon today on the subject of “duahs”, more specifically the fourth sermon on the subject of duahs as revealed to me by Allah (swt). What is amazing is that these duahs can be found in the Holy Quran also, such duahs which were revealed to His Messengers in the past, and there can even be some duahs among those which I shall mention which Allah revealed to Hazrat Massih Ma’ud (as) also. But in this present era, Allah has also revealed these duahs again to His Khalifatullah.

Alhamdulillah, if I am false, a liar, would Allah have revealed these duahs to me? What can my enemies say about these duahs? Are these satanic also? (God Forbid). And if they label them as satanic, then their belief on the Holy Quran also has been trampled and they are not worthy to read the Holy Quran. When they humiliate me, in their stupidity, they trample at the same time the teachings of the Holy Quran to dust.

In the Holy Quran there is a duah wherein there is the mention: 

(O my Lord) Do not leave any non-believer on earth.

Through this duah, we understand that people in whose destinies have been inscribed infidelity (disbelief), they would not be able to escape from this (i.e. this condition of disbelief, and the subsequent punishment). But we need to understand this duah, that it is not a duah to exterminate all infidels, for it were so, then how people could ever have become Muslims today?

Verily it means that (O Lord) all people in whose destinies have been written that they are disbelievers, remove them from this world. And this duah was truly invoked by Hazrat Nuh (as). Now, these infidels can produce disbelieving children like themselves. Therefore, it would be best (if Allah were) to remove them. This was the duah of Hazrat Nuh (as).

So, in my case, in my situation, when the so-called defenders of the Nizam-e-Jamaat acted like infidels on the subject of the divine messages which I am receiving, Allah (swt) showed me this duah:

Rabbij alni Ghaleban ala Ghayri.

O my Lord, give me victory over those who are strangers to me.

And afterwards, there is this second revelation which showed my victory and the acceptation of my duah by Allah.

Wajalni Ghalebatan fid-Dunya wad-Deen.

Give me victory in mundane affairs as well as spiritual affairs.

'Talaq': Use and Abuse of Divine Law

“And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people, and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted.” 

                 ----(An-Nisa 4: 36).

My Friday Sermon (Jumu’ah Khutba) today is on the subject of divorce (Al-Talaq).

Islam places great emphasis on marriage in the sense that it is a sacred contract that cannot be broken for vain and trivial reasons.

Although Talaq (divorce/ repudiation) is allowed, it must be considered that from among everything which is allowed, Talaq (divorce) is the most hated thing, the most abhorred by Allah and it is permitted insofar that it does no unjust damage. 

It should in no way be used as part of some ruse which acts as a pretext for divorce. It can happen that the husband does not like a particular behaviour of his wife and that he has had enough of her. This is not sufficient to justify his request for divorce (Talaq). He must not consider only the negative side of his wife but on the contrary he must assess her good qualities that may well be greater than the defects. A separation may as well have a detrimental effect on the behaviour of the couple’s children (if any) who may become easy prey for Satan.

Justice and Rights in Spouse Relations

India: Muslim Women’s Struggle for Justice

Textual Islam, as emerging from the Qur’an and the sacred Prophetic traditions, provides a fascinating framework to think about and shape an egalitarian family and social order. Islamic tradition envisions justice and fairness in all types of human relations- family engagements, business agreements, state administration and world order. Islam theorizes that the balancing of freedoms and responsibilities, rights and duties among the stakeholders is central to the long term cohesiveness of all types of social institutions. Hence, it commends equity, reciprocity, generosity and even magnanimity  as diverse approaches that could be appropriately deployed for fostering family relations and retaining social order on an even keel. It insists on moderation and restraint and just dealings even in adversarial/strained relations. The Book of God also warns Muslims by citing the lessons from history, of other communities and nations that had abused their freedoms and failed their souls, so that they may observe the Divine limits of conduct. 

It  is an irony of history that despite Islamic empires ruling over most parts of modern India for centuries altogether, the Muslims today stare at the bleak prospect of remaining at the margins of the Indian State for the foreseeable future. With the partition of the subcontinent in the 1940’s into India and Pakistan on the exit of British colonial administration, the Muslims were reduced to a neglected, minority group of 'second-class citizens' among the sea of Hindus in the 'secular', 'democratic' India. Majoritarian political mobilization, rising religion-based adverse discrimination, communal prejudices and other exclusionary biases, denial of fundamental rights and deprivation of basic entitlements are rampant in India today. So much so that astute political observers fear that 'Hindutva'- the political cry for ultra-'Hinduisation'- might bury India's composite culture and latent secular ethos in its majoritarian triumphalism. Muslim women in India, thus, suffer from multiple disadvantages. Their vulnerability is directly related to and arises from the unjust social order prevailing in the country: the political system and the governing elites have failed to bring about an egalitarian society for all of the people through appropriate interventions, including legal reforms and sustained commitment to the equal application of the laws. The traditional community leaders have also failed the Muslim women, they are unable or unwilling to ensure the basic rights and entitlements of the womenfolk in issue areas such as marriage and divorce, child care, family support and maintenance. Their failures are glaring and pronounced, given the impressive presence of a range of normative principles within the Qur'an and the Prophetic Traditions that address this vital area of family relations. 

The patriarchal dimensions of the Indian society, including among the Muslims, often perpetuate a 'family and community order' that inherently subjugates and oppresses women. Husbands are thus increasingly utilizing 'technological means' and new communication devices to get rid of their solemn marital responsibilities. It is revolting that such men/husbands who neglect their Qur'anic duties on respecting the rights and entitlements of their former spouses on divorce, apparently enjoy legitimacy and community support, even as the Mullahs and Maulvis who constitute the community leadership, fail their vocation to stand by the victims, by their abject failure to insist on justice and fairness through internal reforms.

India's imperfect democratic legal system, despite its structural biases and other inherent judicial inefficiencies, does offer the prospect of waging struggles for justice and reforms. This 'lawfare' possibility has in the past been invoked by spirited individuals, human rights activists and civil society movements to advance the cause of fairness and justice at multiple levels and scales in this diverse society. Of late, the Muslim women are organizing themselves to challenge the denial of rights in their every day lives. Former wives, abused and unfairly treated in marriage and out of it and are unjustly denied of their rights on divorce, are seeking to invoke the Qur'an and the national law in order to resist the male chauvinism and brinkmanship on display. 

Reproduced below is an Article in the Indian newspaper, The Hindu, dated October 02, 2016. The article by Vaishna Roy chronicles the remarkable story of a social worker, Zakia Soman, and the women's organization she co- founded, Bharatiya Muslim Mahila Aandolan (Indian Muslim Women's Association) that is leading the legal struggle for banning certain unjust practices such as "Triple Talaq" that are being grossly misused by privileged men to neglect their legal responsibilities on divorce-matters. 

A few rabid, patriarchal men were speaking on the community’s behalf. And they were talking rubbish. We felt the need to raise a voice.’

Bharatiya Muslim Mahila Aandolan turns 10. Feisty co-founder Zakia Soman describes the journey. 

Spirituality in Spouse Relations

Spirituality is not a set of vague feelings experienced by the Muslim but a daily practice for success in this world and the hereafter.

Cohabitation (Married life) is not easy because our desire to be free and not be constrained by the other is greater than our desire to build a family. But for the Muslim, family is sacred. As stated in the Quran, we must reflect on the place of every word, of every verse.

“Among His signs is that He created from yourselves wives so that you find tranquillity with them and He has set between you bonds of love and mercy.” (Ar-Rum 30: 22).

The survival of humanity passes through the family. Currently, we are witnessing the decline of marriage. On the other hand, concubinage is becoming more frequent as well as conflicts which arise because of it. The consequence of concubinage worldwide is that over 20% of children are born outside marriage.

No law in the Civil Code or other speaks of the duty to love. But in Islam, marriage will live by love or last by mercy. And this love is a blessing which Allah deposits in the heart of whomever He wills. 

“Those who say: ‘O our Lord! Grant us in our wives and our offspring the joy of our eyes and make us guides to those who are pious (God-fearing).’ Those will be rewarded with the highest place (in Paradise) because of their patience. Therein they shall be met with salutations and peace.” (Al-Furqan, 25: 75-76).

Before announcing the reward, there is beforehand the verse where we understand that love is a gift from God. Among His servants, there are those who say: “Lord, let the sight of our wives and our children fill us with joy.” This love will be directly related to paradise and guidance.

Take the example of the Holy Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (pbuh) in the way he treated his wives, and he vowed exceptional love for his two principal wives: Khadija (ra) and Aisha (ra). He always spoke good of his late wife Hazrat Khadija (ra). Hazrat Aisha (ra) was jealous of Hazrat Khadija (ra) despite the fact that she had ever seen her. The Holy Prophet (pbuh) used to reminiscence her (Khadija) very often. And it was always in a good way. He had good relations with the relatives of Khadija (ra) even after the death of the latter. He used to send meat to her friends and stood up to receive them as soon as he saw them. That is why, Aisha (ra) was very jealous of her.

Husband and Wife: Rights and Limits

Men are guardians over women by (right of) what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. (An-Nisa, 4: 35)

In the same verse Allah (swt) continues to say that righteous women should be devoutly obedient, guarding in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard, even if nobody is watching them.

Therefore, based on this Qur'anic verse, the husband’s responsibility to fulfill his duties towards his wives is as important as those of the wives (or wife, should he have only one) towards their husband. And the Qur'an makes us understand that a husband has a little more authority upon his wife/wives than the latter upon him.

This verse of the Qur'an also shows that both man and wife enjoy each, rights (which have been bestowed to them by Allah) and which they have the right to demand from each other. And Allah (swt) has also showed the relation and responsibility which must exist between husband and wife whereby each one knows his/her rights.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran: “They are an apparel (garment) for you and you are an apparel for them.” (2: 188)

By revealing this verse, Allah (swt) wanted to make us understand that the rights of both the husband and wife are equal. You all know that garments are meant to cover our body, especially its defects. Moreover, garments are means to embellish ourselves, man and woman and to protect us from heat and cold.

By likening the husband and wife as garments, Islam wants to show that a good wife is one who protects the honour and dignity of her husband, and she does not go outside and relate to creatures the defects/weaknesses of her husband, and similarly a good husband is one who does not humiliate, blame or relate the defects/weaknesses of his wife with others. This is the beauty of Islam, whereas the garment mentioned means Purdah (covering). The beauty therein is the way in which the woman must neither uncover her beauty nor her clothing before other men. She is to reserve that right to her husband. As for the husband, he is to remain loyal to his life (he must not lead a bad life). It is then that there shall be peace, tranquillity and blessings in their household.