‘Tarbiyyat’ Lessons- 8

 

Duah for Increasing Memory

Subhanaka la ilma lana

Illa ma allamtana innaka

antal-Alimul Hakim.

 

‘Glory be to You, we have no knowledge except who You have taught us. Verily, it is You, the All-Knower, the All-Wise’.

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Ya Ilaahi

 

When I am alone,

Allah is my comforter

When I am nothing,

Allah is my everything.

When I am sad and lonely,

Allah is my song and my joy

When I am weak and helpless,

Allah is my strength

Ameen, Summah Ameen, Ya Rabbul Aalameen.

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Spouse Relations and Duties

 

Divine commandments are a light. Illuminating the darkened horizons of human nature; impulses, desires, emotions and biases; the divine commands in the Holy Qur'an offer profound teachings of great subtlety and much wisdom for our own benefit in the varied settings of life.  Hence, the Holy Qur’an promotes prudential course of conduct in family and social relations, recognizing the identity, capacity, authority, role and functions of individuals: between husbands and wives, parents and children, relatives in the home. It is God’s extraordinary mercy and grace that we have these sublime teachings and guidelines of proper conduct.  

For instance, the Qur’an provides a well-balanced framework of rules on spouse relations and duties, to be observed in marital space by the partners, but also when the going gets tough, with disputes leading to separation and divorce, impacting the lives of not just the spouses, but also their children and the wider family. By following the Divine teachings on love and mercy, good morals, and on just and fair dealings; spouses can enjoy the ‘bliss of heaven’ on earth. On the other hand, by evading and ignoring divine prescriptions; rebelling against divine prohibitions, couples turn their matrimonial home into a virtual hell on earth.

Balancing Rights and Duties

 

Man is a social being. Just living requires the recognition of the duties we owe to others, just as we seek to exercise our own individual and other social rights in the community. Islam provides a range of teachings that address the fine balance of rights and duties to be achieved in society as well as in family; in our relations with parents, spouse/s, children, other members of the clan. In this series of special discourses, Imam- Jamaat Ul Sahih Al Islam Hazrat Muhyiuddin Al Khalifatullah Munir Ahmad Azim (aba) of Mauritius comprehensively explains the vital considerations of justice, compassion and benevolence the Holy Prophet of Islam (sa) took into account while giving shape to the interpretation of rights and duties in social contexts. Read the Part 4 of this series, Friday Sermon of 02 September 2022 ~04 Safar 1444 AH below:  

Fulfilling the Rights of Fellow Muslims 

 

Alhamdulillah, Summa Alhamdulillah, I continue today the subject of my sermon on the rights of our fellow Muslims, especially the rights of the parents, and to what limit should they be obeyed, and the rights of one’s own child and spouse in respect of obedience to parents.

Conjugal Relations in Islam

Imam Bukhari mentions a Hadith of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), reported by Hazrat Abu Huraira (ra) which is as follows: “If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning.”

 

There are many women who, as a result of a dispute between themselves and their husbands, think that they are punishing them (i.e. their husbands) by not allowing them to satisfy their carnal desires. However, this attitude can lead to serious problems that can lead the husband to commit a prohibited act or things can turn against her (i.e. the wife) and he will think about getting married to a second woman. The wife must therefore satisfy his desire by putting into practice a recommendation of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh):  “If the man calls his wife for sexual intercourse, she must answer spontaneously even if she is on the saddle of a camel!” 

 

All the same, the husband must also take into account the condition of his wife, who may be sick, pregnant or have trouble, all this to reach an agreement (with her, mutual agreement) without difficulty.

'Talaq': Use and Abuse of Divine Law

“And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people, and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted.” 

                 ----(An-Nisa 4: 36).

My Friday Sermon (Jumu’ah Khutba) today is on the subject of divorce (Al-Talaq).

Islam places great emphasis on marriage in the sense that it is a sacred contract that cannot be broken for vain and trivial reasons.

Although Talaq (divorce/ repudiation) is allowed, it must be considered that from among everything which is allowed, Talaq (divorce) is the most hated thing, the most abhorred by Allah and it is permitted insofar that it does no unjust damage. 

It should in no way be used as part of some ruse which acts as a pretext for divorce. It can happen that the husband does not like a particular behaviour of his wife and that he has had enough of her. This is not sufficient to justify his request for divorce (Talaq). He must not consider only the negative side of his wife but on the contrary he must assess her good qualities that may well be greater than the defects. A separation may as well have a detrimental effect on the behaviour of the couple’s children (if any) who may become easy prey for Satan.

Spirituality in Spouse Relations

Spirituality is not a set of vague feelings experienced by the Muslim but a daily practice for success in this world and the hereafter.

Cohabitation (Married life) is not easy because our desire to be free and not be constrained by the other is greater than our desire to build a family. But for the Muslim, family is sacred. As stated in the Quran, we must reflect on the place of every word, of every verse.

“Among His signs is that He created from yourselves wives so that you find tranquillity with them and He has set between you bonds of love and mercy.” (Ar-Rum 30: 22).

The survival of humanity passes through the family. Currently, we are witnessing the decline of marriage. On the other hand, concubinage is becoming more frequent as well as conflicts which arise because of it. The consequence of concubinage worldwide is that over 20% of children are born outside marriage.

No law in the Civil Code or other speaks of the duty to love. But in Islam, marriage will live by love or last by mercy. And this love is a blessing which Allah deposits in the heart of whomever He wills. 

“Those who say: ‘O our Lord! Grant us in our wives and our offspring the joy of our eyes and make us guides to those who are pious (God-fearing).’ Those will be rewarded with the highest place (in Paradise) because of their patience. Therein they shall be met with salutations and peace.” (Al-Furqan, 25: 75-76).

Before announcing the reward, there is beforehand the verse where we understand that love is a gift from God. Among His servants, there are those who say: “Lord, let the sight of our wives and our children fill us with joy.” This love will be directly related to paradise and guidance.

Take the example of the Holy Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (pbuh) in the way he treated his wives, and he vowed exceptional love for his two principal wives: Khadija (ra) and Aisha (ra). He always spoke good of his late wife Hazrat Khadija (ra). Hazrat Aisha (ra) was jealous of Hazrat Khadija (ra) despite the fact that she had ever seen her. The Holy Prophet (pbuh) used to reminiscence her (Khadija) very often. And it was always in a good way. He had good relations with the relatives of Khadija (ra) even after the death of the latter. He used to send meat to her friends and stood up to receive them as soon as he saw them. That is why, Aisha (ra) was very jealous of her.

Husband and Wife: Rights and Limits

Men are guardians over women by (right of) what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. (An-Nisa, 4: 35)

In the same verse Allah (swt) continues to say that righteous women should be devoutly obedient, guarding in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard, even if nobody is watching them.

Therefore, based on this Qur'anic verse, the husband’s responsibility to fulfill his duties towards his wives is as important as those of the wives (or wife, should he have only one) towards their husband. And the Qur'an makes us understand that a husband has a little more authority upon his wife/wives than the latter upon him.

This verse of the Qur'an also shows that both man and wife enjoy each, rights (which have been bestowed to them by Allah) and which they have the right to demand from each other. And Allah (swt) has also showed the relation and responsibility which must exist between husband and wife whereby each one knows his/her rights.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran: “They are an apparel (garment) for you and you are an apparel for them.” (2: 188)

By revealing this verse, Allah (swt) wanted to make us understand that the rights of both the husband and wife are equal. You all know that garments are meant to cover our body, especially its defects. Moreover, garments are means to embellish ourselves, man and woman and to protect us from heat and cold.

By likening the husband and wife as garments, Islam wants to show that a good wife is one who protects the honour and dignity of her husband, and she does not go outside and relate to creatures the defects/weaknesses of her husband, and similarly a good husband is one who does not humiliate, blame or relate the defects/weaknesses of his wife with others. This is the beauty of Islam, whereas the garment mentioned means Purdah (covering). The beauty therein is the way in which the woman must neither uncover her beauty nor her clothing before other men. She is to reserve that right to her husband. As for the husband, he is to remain loyal to his life (he must not lead a bad life). It is then that there shall be peace, tranquillity and blessings in their household.