Imam Bukhari mentions a Hadith of the Holy
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), reported by Hazrat Abu Huraira (ra) which is as
follows: “If
a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she
refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till
morning.”
There are many women who, as a result of a
dispute between themselves and their husbands, think that they are punishing
them (i.e. their husbands) by not allowing them to satisfy their carnal
desires. However, this attitude
can lead to serious problems that
can lead the husband to commit a prohibited act or things can turn against her
(i.e. the wife) and he will think about getting married to a second woman. The
wife must therefore satisfy his desire by putting into practice a
recommendation of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh): “If the man calls his wife for sexual
intercourse, she must answer spontaneously even if she is on the saddle of a
camel!”
All the same, the husband must also take into account the condition of his wife, who may be sick, pregnant or have trouble, all this to reach an agreement (with her, mutual agreement) without difficulty.
Divorce
Has Consequences
Many women are eager to ask their husbands
for divorce after a small dispute between them or for some trivial reason.
Women who do so may be pushed by some close relatives or neighbours who are
skilled in the art of sowing discord. And it may be that the woman goes so far
as to challenge her husband with irritating and harsh words, like this: “Repudiate
me if you are a man!”
However, it is known to all that divorce
causes considerable problems such as the separation of the family and unbalanced children. The woman may regret later. But when
it will be too late. For these and many other reasons, the wisdom of Islamic
law appears when it prohibits women from seeking divorce.
Hazrat Thawban (ra) reports that the
Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: “Any
woman who asks her husband for a divorce without valid reason, the perfume of
paradise is forbidden to her.” (Ahmad)
According to Uqba Ibn Amir (ra), the Holy
Prophet (pbuh) said: “Those
who seek divorce and separation from their husbands are hypocrites,” reported by Tabarani.
Divorce: An Exception
However, when the case is legally founded,
with valid reasons, such as abandoning the prayer or the husband consumes
intoxicating drinks (e.g. liquor/ alcoholic drinks) and uses narcotics (drugs
and other intoxicants) or compels his wife to commit a prohibited act or is
unfair to her by torturing her or depriving her of her legal rights, and that
neither the advices given to him, nor the attempts of correction are of any
use, the woman incurs nothing by asking for divorce to safeguard her religion
and her own being.
Charity as Expiation for marital wrongs
In periods of menstruation, the husband is
not allowed to approach his
wife until she has purified herself (she takes the ritual bath after the period
of her menstruation). If by desire, someone has sex with his wife during
her menstrual period, he must give the weight value of a gold dinar or about
4.25 grams. This is based on a Hadith. Hazrat Ibn Abbas (ra) reported what the
Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said about the person who has sex with his wife
during menstruation, that he should give
a dinar, or a half-dinar in charity.
When a man is alone in the company of a
foreign woman, Satan makes a lot of effort to tempt people and persists in
plunging them into the illicit. This is why Allah the Almighty has warned
against Satan who prescribes immorality and wrongdoing.
The blessings of having many children
Allah (swt) wanted to establish the
descent of man (his progeny/ bloodline) through the union of a mother and a
father. The union of a man and a woman is done with the formulas of praise of
Allah the Almighty (Muslim). Thus the Prophet (pbuh) has taught us to accord
prestige and respect to the parents of our wives according to their rank of
priority. Allah the Exalted says, “It is He Who has created man from water: then has He established
relationships of lineage and marriage: for your Lord has power (over all
things).” (Al-Furqan, 25: 55).
In the times we are living, couples prefer
not to have many children. They argue and give as reasons a limited budget and
lack of time. In fact it is a sign of the approach of the Day of Judgement that
couples will not wish to have children (Tabarani). The Holy Prophet Muhammad
(pbuh) announced among the signs of the Day of Judgment: “... (Married) Couples who have many children
will be grieved while the sterile women will be delighted ...” (Tabarani).
So, the concept of ‘Family
Planning’ was prophesied by the Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), and
the Quran rejects these arguments (i.e. concerning Family Planning) and instead
asserts that having more children is not a source of impoverishment. We (i.e.
every stakeholder who is directly concerned with this problem) now realize that
today the pension fund will be insufficient for an aging population. We are
worried because there are not enough children to one day feed the pension fund
of old people! An economy following the Sunnah would never
have caused such an imbalance. If only we can listen to the Quran when It
says, “And
do not kill your children for fear of poverty; We shall provide sustenance for
them as well as for you.” (Al-Isra 17:32)
The Quran has linked our sustenance with
the number of children! So, do not worry about feeding/ providing for your
children because it is Allah Who is going to give these children their
livelihoods in your hands! And when you have fewer children, then the
livelihoods also will also decrease. And finally your old age will be
considered a burden for the working population.
‘Family Spacing’; not ‘Family
Planning’
Allah (swt) says in the Quran: “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to
your tilth when or how you will, and do some good act for your souls
beforehand.” (Al-Baqara 2: 224)
In a rich and fertile land, vegetables and
fruits are harvested. A wife is like a fertile land where children are
harvested. But since the agricultural principle of crop rotation requires that
the land be left at rest at times, then the principle of ‘Family Spacing’ and
not ‘Family Planning’ which should be followed. That is, we will let the mother
rest two to three years so that she can have the strength to carry and
breastfeed the next baby. It depends on the constitution of the woman. This can
be judged by medical means. So we can use today’s (modern) means to avoid
fertilization after the first birth and this for about (a limit of) 3 years.
Spend time with children (for both parents, especially the mother) leads to
Paradise!
It is reported from Muslim Shareef that he
who raised three daughters with piety and married them off, then he will have
Paradise. Moreover,
the one who raised children with piety and educated them then he shall receive
from Allah benefits/ rewards from these children’s (good) deeds. For the widow
who refused to marry (again) to raise her children when she was still young and
beautiful but, with the passing of time, she grew older and devoted herself
entirely to her children, the Holy Prophet (pbuh) promised that she will be as
close to him as the two fingers of one hand (Abu Dawud).
Bukhari Shareef reported that once a woman
asked the Holy Prophet (pbuh), “Can this child perform Hajj?” The
Holy Prophet (pbuh) replied, “Yes, and you will have the reward (for
it).” (Bukhari)
So, every good action the child will do,
the parents will benefit from their rewards. It is reported from Muslim Shareef
that the Holy Prophet (pbuh) said, “When a man dies, his action discontinues from him except three things,
namely, perpetual charity (Sadaqah Jariyah), or the knowledge by which benefit
is acquired, or a pious child who prays for him.”
Finally, it is reported from Bukhari
Shareef, that Anas (ra) spent 10 years in the service of the Holy Prophet
(pbuh). His mother (Anas’ mother) has vowed to receive the prophet’s (pbuh)
prayers for Anas (ra). He received the prophet’s prayers that he shall obtain
wealth, many children and blessings. (Bukhari). It is narrated from Bukhari
Shareef that he had more than 120 children! So this is the result of the
prophet’s (pbuh) prayer for blessings.
By the way, blessings come with a lot of
children. Instead of two having two children, go for at least four. That way we
will solve the problem of an aging population. And also if one of your children
goes to study abroad and settle there (in other countries), then there will
still be children by your side to comfort you in your old age. Those who have
no children, try to go out in the way of Allah (i.e. for Deen works,
Dawa etc.) to receive the blessings of children. Otherwise, it’s good to adopt
an orphaned child. But it is very important to adopt a baby.
May Allah (swt) guide us on the right
path, and always seek the pleasure of Allah (swt). Insha-Allah,
Ameen, Summa Ameen.
--- Friday Sermon of 28 September
2018 (18 Muharram 1440 AH) delivered by Imam- Jamaat Ul Sahih Al Islam Hazrat Muhyi-ud-Din Al Khalifatullah
Munir Ahmad Azim (aba) of Mauritius.