Spouse Relations and Duties

 

Divine commandments are a light. Illuminating the darkened horizons of human nature; impulses, desires, emotions and biases; the divine commands in the Holy Qur'an offer profound teachings of great subtlety and much wisdom for our own benefit in the varied settings of life.  Hence, the Holy Qur’an promotes prudential course of conduct in family and social relations, recognizing the identity, capacity, authority, role and functions of individuals: between husbands and wives, parents and children, relatives in the home. It is God’s extraordinary mercy and grace that we have these sublime teachings and guidelines of proper conduct.  

For instance, the Qur’an provides a well-balanced framework of rules on spouse relations and duties, to be observed in marital space by the partners, but also when the going gets tough, with disputes leading to separation and divorce, impacting the lives of not just the spouses, but also their children and the wider family. By following the Divine teachings on love and mercy, good morals, and on just and fair dealings; spouses can enjoy the ‘bliss of heaven’ on earth. On the other hand, by evading and ignoring divine prescriptions; rebelling against divine prohibitions, couples turn their matrimonial home into a virtual hell on earth.

 

Prophetic Traditions on Fair Treatment

Along with the Qur’anic commandments, the Holy Prophet’s own practical concern for the rights and welfare of the womenfolk is a vital source of Islamic teachings in this regard. Through several sacred Prophetic traditions one can appreciate his insistence on the fair treatment of wives and daughters, imposing obligations on the men in the interests of equity and justice and moral responsibility. Consider the following Ahadith:  

 

‘Only a man of noble character will honour women, and only a man of base intentions will dishonour them.’

 

‘The best among you is he who is best for his family. For my family, I am the best of all of you.’

 

‘No believing man should hate a believing woman, for if there is any habit of hers that displeases him, there will be some other habit of hers which pleases him.’

 

‘The most perfect man of religion is one who excels in character. The best among you is he who gives the best treatment to his womenfolk.’

 

‘The best thing one could have is a tongue which expresses remembrance, a heart which gives thanks and a believing woman who helps one to be more steadfast in one’s faith.’

 

‘One who brings up three daughters, teaches them good manners and morals, arranges their marriages and treats them with fairness, deserves to be ushered into Paradise.’

 

‘Fear God in respect of women’.

 

Muslim husbands and wives have a duty to abide by the limits prescribed by Allah (swt) in their mutual relations as well as in wider family-related obligations. Those who fail to respect the clear guidance on offer injure their own souls; they ruin only their own larger interests and future. Indeed everyone needs to remember that on the Day of Judgement, when the reckoning will take place, we will have to give an account of our deeds in this world: how we discharged our duties towards God and also to fellow beings- including family, spouse/s and children. 

Reproduced below in this context is a Qur’anic verse on marital relationship explaining the husband’s role and authority as head of the household in relation to his responsibility to provide for his wife/wives. According to the Verse, along with supporting the wives financially, the husband has the duty to supervise, educate and discipline his spouse/s in times of disobedience and high-handedness. Our beloved Imam Hazrat Khalifatullah Munir Ahmad Azim (aba)’s profound commentary on the Verse is provided below for an informed appreciation of the Divine Law of balance and equity, hierarchy and mutuality in spouse relations and duties.    

 

'Men are guardians over women by (right of) what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. But those from whom you fear arrogance – (first) advise them; (then if they persist), forsake them in bed; and (finally), strike them. But if they obey you (again), seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.' [Holy Qur'an, Surah Al-Nisa, 4:35]

 

The word 'Qawwam' or “Guardian” has many connotations: one who guarantees the smooth running of his own business and affairs, one who also caters for the dealings of someone else’s business, and has an upper hand in helping in the smooth running of the affairs in view to make them prosper in any way compliable and agreeable by Allah. This guardianship also is evident in house management, whereby both husband and wife act as guardians over the affairs of each other (in the other spouse’s absence).

 

The present verse brings forth the role of man and his superiority over that of his mate. Man has been created with a stronger built with the task to cater for the delicate species, that is, women. His prior role in his house is to cater for the smooth running of his household and this includes caring for his wife or wives and see to it that she is well nourished and dressed and lives in honour as his wife in society. It is in this way that man is Qawwam over his wife/wives for his share of responsibility is far greater than that of a woman.

 

In past eras, women knew only their homes and cared for the well-beings of the occupants of their households but with time, modernisation has issued forth the will that women also go out to work like man and earn her livelihood. This is not what Islam has enjoined. But Islam under special circumstances also does not forbid women to go out to work; that is, if she is a widow, a divorcee and must absolutely work to feed herself and her children. But her rightful place is her home, where she acts as the guardian over the affairs of her husband and see to it that her home is run smoothly and that family ties are maintained and children are properly taken care of, that they obtain their moral and spiritual education.

The verse under comment depicts the image of the true wife of a believer. She should be pious, righteous, obedient to her husband and guardian over his children and affairs. For all the good, security and honour she earns in her husband’s home, she is commanded by Allah to be ever obedient to her pious and God-fearing husband. This is a two-way traffic. Both husband and wife must be righteous people if they want that their household becomes the embodiment of Islam. Husbands also must play a vital role where they must reflect goodness and tenderness to their wives and act as their protectors and preserve them from ill-treating and dishonour.

 

If despite a wife having a good pious husband she disregards the commands of Allah and the advices of her husband and acts treacherously, then the husband is given the right to put her in her right place by giving her a befitting “punishment”, by living separately from her from within the house itself (that is, no talking, no sexual relations and sleeping in separate beds), until she makes amends and act righteously towards her husband – this may be within a period of four months if we stick according to the limits imposed in the Quran, for she is not to be infinitely disregarded as if she were “suspended in the air”. If she becomes a clear rebel, then the husband is allowed to beat her in such a way that no mark is left on her body, for indeed the Holy Prophet of Islam (peace be upon him) has said that the best among the believers is the one who gives better treatment to his wife. Indeed he detested that someone beat his wife unless it is inevitable, for according to him, he asked his companions, and how could a man beat his wife and then at night lie with her (that is, have sexual relations with her)? (Bukhari)

 

In that era, men were extremely barbarous and the Holy Prophet of Islam (peace be upon him) came also to teach them civility and to upgrade their moral and spiritual standards. We have an example of command of good treatment to wives in the example of Hazrat Ayub (as) and his wife. During his affliction, when his wife left him, he sworn that when he would be healthy again, he would give her a hundred lashes. As Allah is ever prompt in wanting His servants to honour their promises, when He cured Ayub (as), He ordained him that instead of beating her a hundred times, but instead to gather hundred small sticks and to strike her one time with it.

 

 

Thus, we see how Allah also is in favour that men treat their wives well. This is because women are also creatures of Allah who can also attain to higher spiritual degrees despite the fact that she can never be a prophet. Apart from prophethood, she can attain to blissful spiritual status where she earns the love and proximity of God. But this of course is reserved to the pious, sincere and God-fearing women who stick to all commandments of Allah and are refreshing and tender to their husbands and guard their chastity and long to please Allah and their husbands by living Islam to its fullest.' [Al Azim Tafsir-ul-Qur’an, Volume II, pp. 372- 375]

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