'Respect Rights; Fulfill Duties'- 2
In
regard to rights, parents enjoy priority and greater significance because of
their close relationship with their offspring. The rights of parents are
unanimously accepted. I will not therefore elaborate on the details of these rights,
as they are foremost mentioned in the Holy Quran and Hadiths, unless the
parents deviates the child and intimates him or her to adopt false gods other
than the true God, i.e. Allah. But even then, despite the wall of difference
between parents and children who do not share the same faith, whether the
parents are true Muslims and their children non-Muslims or vice-versa, even
then Islam while ordaining the believers not to obey the disbelievers, even if
they be their parents when they force them [i.e. the children] to worship
others than Allah, Islam also commands that the non-Muslim parents be respected
and treated well. They are not to be obeyed in religious matters, but
concerning the affairs of the world, the children should show consideration and
respect towards them and pray for their salvation.
In all things [and situations] there should be a balance. Like I taught you about the equilibrium which there needs to be in one’s own reform and preaching the unity and message of Allah, likewise, Islam teaches equilibrium of the rights of parents. Almighty Allah says in the Holy Quran: “Surely, Allah commands you to deliver trusts to those entitled to them, and that, when you judge between people, judge with justice.” (An-Nisa, 4: 59)
Two
commands are understood from the general meaning of this verse, in other words:
1.
It is incumbent to discharge the obligatory
rights of people.
2.
It is not lawful to destroy or fail in
discharging the rights of one person for the sake of another person.
I put
forward two specific cases which relate to the two general rules which I have
just mentioned in connection with the Quranic verse.
The
two cases are:
1.
The fixation of the compulsory and non-compulsory
rights of parents.
2. The equilibrium to be adopted in the event of a
conflict between the rights of parents and wife or parents and one’s children.
Some
unscrupulous people - and experience has shown that there are many such persons
- are so extreme in neglecting the rights of parents that they totally ignore
the Shariah’s commands pertaining to the compulsion of obedience to parents. As
a consequence of their total indifference in this regard they invoke the
greatest of calamities and misfortunes on them. On the other hand, some pious
people adopt the other extreme whereby their obedience to their parents is of
such a degree which occasions the destruction of the rights of others, e.g. the
rights of their wives and children. These sets of extremists are again
indifferent to the commands which decree obligatory the rights of parents,
spouses as well as the children. Thus, they all invite calamity and misfortune
on themselves.
Besides
the two sets of people mentioned, there is a third set. These people do not
destroy or fail in the discharge of the rights of people. They fulfill these
rights and adequately discharge their duties and obligations. But, they
understand some non-incumbent duties to be obligatory. Believing optional
duties to be compulsory, they set about fulfilling these with this attitude. Sometimes,
due to adverse circumstances or some other factors, they are unable to remain
steadfast in the discharge of such duties. They find it difficult and
unbearable. As a result frustration sets in and their minds are afflicted with
a host of divisive thoughts. They start to believe that the Shariah has
imposed unbearable burdens on man and in this way they ruin their Deen.
In this way, this group is also guilty of trampling on the rights of someone,
and that someone is one’s own Nafs which also has rights over one.
Speaking on the obligatory rights of the Nafs, the Messenger of Allah (pbuh)
said: “Verily, your Nafs has rights over you.”
Among
these obligatory rights, protection of one’s Deen has priority. The
fulfillment of non-obligatory rights of parents with the attitude which I have
just described sometimes leads towards sin. If after the laws have been
correctly understood and after one has put into practice the obligatory duties,
one sets about fulfilling rights which are not obligatory, the evil which I
just mentioned will not occur [because he has accomplished the non-obligatory
duties only after having accomplished the obligatory ones]; frustration will
not overtake one and one will not then attribute one’s failure to adhere to
this self-imposed task as an injustice and unbearable burden imposed on man by Deen.
It will be realized that the difficulty was of one’s own making. Furthermore,
after having correctly understood the non-obligatory nature of certain rights,
one will derive pleasure from one’s steadfastness in executing these. In short,
there is great wisdom in having knowledge of the laws of the Shariah. On
the contrary, there is nothing but harm in ignorance.
Allah
is the One from whom Help is sought, and on Him is my trust.
The
essential narrations of Hadith (sayings of the Holy Prophet (pbuh)) and Fiqh (jurisprudence)
pertaining to this subject will now be enumerated and thereafter the rules
extracted from these narrations will be explained.
Ibn
Umar (ra) narrates: “I had a wife whom I loved while Umar (his father)
disliked her. He (being the father) ordered me: “Divorce her.” I refused. Umar
(ra) then went to the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) and mentioned this (my refusal)
to him. The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) then said to me: ‘Divorce her.’” He
(Ibn Umar) then divorced her. (Tirmidhi, Mishkaat).
In
Mirkaat (which is the commentary on Mishkaat) it is explained that this order
given by the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) is an order, the execution of which is
not compulsory although it is preferable. This type of order falls in the Mustahab
(preferable and meritorious) category of laws. If the order was intended as an
obligatory (Wujub) command, then there must have been some factors for
this command.
Imam
Ghazali (ra) says in Ihyaa-ul-Uloom that this Hadith indicates that the right
of the father has priority over the right of the wife. But, for the prevalence
of this priority it is essential that the father is not motivated by a corrupt
motive. The rectitude of the motive of a man like Hazrat Umar (ra) is a
self-evident fact.
In a Hadith
narrated by Hazrat Mu’az (ra), the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: “Never
disobey your parents even if they order you to dissociate yourselves from your
wife, children and wealth.” (Mishkaat)
In Mirkaat
it is explained that this Hadith merely emphasizes perfect obedience and the
significance of obedience to parents. It does not have a literal meaning. In
actual fact, it is not incumbent upon the son to divorce his wife even if his
refusal to divorce her causes great displeasure to his parents. In divorcing
her, he will be afflicted with great harm - [Like you know the throne of Allah
trembles at the pronunciation of divorce]. It is indeed remote that parents
will derive pleasure from the difficulty and misery of their son. Thus, he is
not required to divorce his wife at their insistence.
The
author of Mirkaat says that the indication in the Hadith to prove that the Messenger
of Allah (pbuh) said this as emphasis is the statement: “Do not commit Shirk
with Allah even if you are slaughtered or burnt”.
Undoubtedly,
this statement is for the purpose of emphasis. The verse of the Quran: “except he who is
compelled [to utter Kufr (words of disbelief)], for then there is no blame on
him.” (Al-Nahl, 16: 107) clearly grants permission to proclaim a
statement of disbelief under a compulsion, while his heart is ever solid in his
faith (Iman). Hence, the above Hadith is for emphasis, to show the importance
of the subject mentioned therein.
If the
statement: “Do not commit Shirk even if you are killed or burnt” was for
compulsion, it would have negated the permission announced by the Quran to
utter words of disbelief (Kufr) under compulsion while of course, Iman
(faith) is not rejected by the heart. This proves that the Hadith mentioned by
Hazrat Mu’az (ra) serves the purpose of emphasizing obedience to parents.
Hazrat
Ibn Abbas (ra) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: “He who
obeys Allah in regard to obedience to his parents, will have opened on him two
doors of paradise if both parents exists, and one door if one parent exists. If
he disobeys them, then two doors of hell will be opened on him if both
(parents) exists and one door if one parent exists.”
In the
same Hadith it is mentioned that a man said: “Even if they are unjust to him
(to the son)?”
The Messenger
of Allah (pbuh) replied: “Even if they are unjust; even if they are unjust;
even if they are unjust.” (Baihaqi)
Commenting
on this Hadith, the author of Mirkaat says that in regard to the discharge of
the rights of parents, the son obeys Allah (twt). He fulfills the rights of the
parents in the manner in which Allah has commanded. Fulfillment of the right of
parents is not an act of Ibaadat (worship) entirely independent in
nature. It is in fact, a duty rendered for the sake of Allah Who has ordered
its observance with particular care and emphasis. Obedience to parents has
therefore to be discharged on the basis of it being obedience to Allah. Thus,
whatever they command, if it be in accordance with the Law of Allah, it will be
accepted and done. If they command any violation of the law of Allah, it will
not be accepted. In this regard the Hadith narration is: “There is no
obedience for creation in any obedience which countenances disobedience to
Allah.”
The
meaning of ‘injustice of parents’ mentioned in the Hadith refers to Worldly
matters and not to affairs of the Hereafter. Even if they are unjust and unkind
in worldly matters, children should be kind to them; respect them and fulfill
their rights. Their injustice does not permit children to fail in the execution
of their lawful demands and rights. But, discharge of rights is not to be understood
to mean obedience to even their unlawful orders and requests.
The Hadith
mentioning ‘injustice of parents’ is similar in meaning to the Hadith which orders
Zakat-payers to please the Zakat-collectors even if the latter are unjust to
them. This is for emphasis and should not be taken literally [that the corrupt
should be obeyed].
As this subject is really vast and subject to the right interpretations which should be given, as there is a distinctive barrier between the obligatory and the desired acts, Insha-Allah, next week I will bring before you more of such Hadiths which protect both the rights of the parents as well as the wife and children. The balance between the obligatory acts and the desired non-obligatory acts are to be well defined so that the Muslim believer may live his life in peace, and with the fear of Allah and fulfill his duties to all the people under his responsibility with courage, justice and steadfastness – only for the pleasure of Allah. Insha-Allah, Ameen.