Children are the best
Gifts Almighty Allah bestows upon the parents. And good parenting is
an Islamic virtue. Inculcating good habits and
etiquettes in them and nurturing their inherent creative instincts are a huge
responsibility and parents are accountable to the Lord Almighty for the same.
In an age that offers too many ‘value’ systems and life styles, temptations and diversions are trying to take over the attention of today’s children. In this context, parenting has to go beyond the
command/control/authority approach that parents usually deploy and be flexible
enough to take account of the evolving realities: the growing reasoning power
of children, their intelligence and age. The pride of being a practicing Muslim
has to be demonstrated as a living reality to our children on an everyday
basis. If the Islamic way is presented to our children with practical example and
persuasion characterized by a relationship of trust and friendship, love and
mutual respect, it will win over their hearts and minds.
In his Friday
Sermon of July 06, 2012, Khalifatullah
Hadhrat Munir Ahmad Azim Sahib (atba) of Mauritius threw new light on the subject of parenting. Drawing
upon recent scientific experiments and new knowledge available on the
developmental biology of the human brain, the Khalifatullah underscores the critical
importance of early years of a child’s life experiences in the eventual
development of his/her emotional stability, personality traits and intelligence
level.
Read the Extracts from the Friday Sermon:
“The regimented
way many raise their children is not appropriate to modern life and, more
particularly, to life in the countries we now live in. At an early stage,
regimentation is a powerful method to
activate good habits and the performances of regular activities such as prayer
and reading of the Holy Quran. But as the reasoning of children develops, we
must as parents also begin to change our approach to reflect their intelligence
and the life of the child.
Particularly in
the western world, there are many distractions and temptations fighting for the
attention of our children. These, together with the fact that we are inclined
to serve our natural desires (some might say naturally inclined to evil), mean
that we are in danger of losing our children if we rely totally on obedience to
our commands. Unless we build up a relationship of trust and friendship with our
children as well as authority through mutual respect and love, we have little
hope of retaining our children given the strength of the worldly
distraction they are exposed to (TV being a prime example).
It is easy to
say “we have lost this generation”, or “there is nothing I can do
with my children”. It is easy to blame the society we live in. Will these
excuses hold up before Almighty Allah when we have to answer for our care of
the gift He gave us? We must accept that the situation we find ourselves in
actually exposes faults in our parent-child relationship or, alternatively,
that we must adapt to the change in the environment in which we are living by
changing our ways with our children.
We live in a culture that rejects Almighty Allah
and boasts answers to all of life’s questions. “There is no reason not to try everything in
this life as there is nothing to answer after this life. Here and now is the
only reason to life so enjoy it while you can”. If our response to this is
to shut our doors, ignore the fact and hope it goes away, we have surely lost.
Many foreign students are led to believe that they must do in Rome what the
Romans do in order not to be rejected and in order to succeed. What they do not
realise is that this leads them to a state of disrespect. The local society
will continue to believe that they come from a backward country and that the
way of life they have developed is the best that all aspire to. This is not
true and we need to put pride in the way of life of Almighty Allah if we are to
win the fight for the hearts and minds of our youngsters.
So let us go
back to (the) basics. As Muslims we have been armed with a powerful code for
life through the holy word of Allah. It furnishes guidance for every aspect of
life that is of value wherever, and whatever circumstances we might find
ourselves. Thus, as briefly indicated above, it has told us how we develop
spiritually in such detail that we should be able to raise our children in
whatever country and culture we live. Through the blessings of the Divine
Manifestation, we have further insight into this developmental process.
Over the recent
past, we also have scientific studies of mind and brain that confirm this
process in minute detail. I have already mentioned in my previous sermon that
man develops from a new-born, that is, completely driven by natural desires, to
a spiritual being in equally complete control of his natural desires. Can
science help us understand the basis of this transformation? And can such an
understanding aid us in our quest for spiritual perfection?
Many of us have
heard of the concept of brain stem death.
Agreement on the criteria that define death in a situation where vital organs
are still functioning has proven difficult. One thing that is agreed is that if
the brain stem is not active (that is, not showing signs of electrical
activity) then the body is simply a machine kept alive by the activity of the
vital organs. There is no prospect for recovery of brain activity once this
situation arises. What does this tell us of the organisation of the brain and
its relationship to personality and soul?
I have a cousin
of mine (who already passed away in 2000) who had lost great areas of brain
through tumours or surgery. I made the observation that whatever is left of the
working brain, it is sufficient to allow the expression of the original
personality given a period of healing. This healing time presumably allows for
a readjustment between soul and brain and demonstrates that, although
the spirit of the person seems to be independent of the brain in terms of
physical injury, it is intricately connected to the physical working brain for
its expression. This is perhaps an example of the fact that the soul cannot
exist without a body, whether physical for existence in this world, or
spiritual for the next world.
The brain
involving different levels, these have been recognised by scientists who spent
a great deal of time studying the brains of different animals. Cold-blooded
animals such as frogs and fish have a brain with no cortex. In mammals we see
the development of a neo-cortex to its culmination in the huge, gyrated mass
that is found in humans. However, all vertebrates, whether cold or
warm-blooded, possess a brain stem that includes the Limbic system. This is a
circuit of centres linked together within the lower brain structures that
control all automatic, unconscious body functions
This is the
complex system of nerves and networks in the brain that controls the basic
emotions and all automatic, unconscious body functions that have two
recognisable characteristics. Firstly, they have a desired level that is maintained
by relatively simple feedback mechanisms and secondly, their
control is unconscious, that is, we are not aware of the machinery that is
being used to control them nor of their current status.
An example is body temperature. The human body is
maintained at 37oC. If the temperature begins to fall below this
there is activation of systems to generate heat, such as shivering for example.
If the temperature rises above this we have mechanisms to lose heat such as
sweating, opening blood vessels in our skin to lose more heat by radiation etc.
These mechanisms are automatic. We do not have to think about them nor can we
usually override them. Blood pressure, blood glucose level, water balance,
hunger are all examples of such automatic systems. Damage to any part of this
Limbic system leads to severe disruption of the automatic systems and resulting
disease states. Our memory system also relies on this lower brain as it
includes the hippocampus, the main area for storage of memories and this
structure is also involved in automatic biological activities.
Given all this
automatic activity, what is the function of the great mass of neo-cortex
sitting on top of the lower brain? Although there is further refinement
perception, particularly of vision, within the cerebral hemispheres, these
structures provide a major increase in intelligence, in processing power, to
aid the biological work of the brain below. Just as computers have evolved into
powerful, mobile brains for our daily work, so the neo-cortex has evolved to
provide survival advantage by allowing the individual to work out solutions to
evade predators, survive the elements, find and cultivate food in ways no other
animal can and satisfy all its biological needs ensuring that it passes its
genes to the next generation through healthy offspring.
The neo-cortex
is, like computers are to us, a servant to the needs of its master, the brain
stem. If the brain stem says “hungry”, the neo cortex works out there and how
to get the food to satisfy the hunger. But, just as we are now talking of
computers with intelligence to think for themselves and to evolve their own
future designs, so too the neo-cortex has developed to a stage in humans when
it can rise above biological needs and take over from the brain stem in ruling
the life of the individual.
There is little
difference between the chimpanzee and human brain in organisation and function.
The real difference lies in the service of the cortex to the biological brain
(brain stem) in all animals except humans in which the cortex can override the
biological drives and take over the life of the person. The human brain is
dominated by the cerebral hemispheres that are deeply convoluted and completely
cover the lower brain areas. The brain is limited from further growth by the
physical size of the human head and the limitations on this for natural birth.
All the neurons for an adult brain are in place at birth. Although there
is further growth after birth, this involves the formation of interconnection
between neurons and the invasions by insulating cells to cover these connection
fibres. Thus the maturation of the brain involves connections being made
according to experience in life and these early years are critical for the rest
of the life.
Here I will
make the leap to say that lack of proper upbringing also has serious
consequences for the later life of the children. A home that is filled
with remembrance of Allah will undoubtedly foster a love of Allah in its
children. Animal and human children deprived of their mothers are clearly
miserable and show severe psychological disturbances in later life. Similarly,
children brought up in a house of turmoil and constant argument between mother
and father (or other family members) also suffer in their outlook on later
life. We should not underestimate the power of early experience on later life.
It is becoming increasingly clear that these early
years are critical to later life. In the Holy Quran, Almighty Allah says:
“I have created men and jinn so that they may know
Me and worship Me” (51: 57)
“Indeed, the religion in the sight of Allah is
Islam…” (3: 20)
“So direct your face toward the religion, inclining
to the right state – the nature made by Allah in which He has made men. No
change should there be in the creation of Allah. That is the correct religion,
but most of the people do not know. (Adhere to it), turning in repentance to
Him, and fear Him and establish prayer and do not be of those who associate
others with Allah” (30: 30-31)
How can we understand Almighty Allah and thereby
move closer to Him?
My answer to this involves another question, how do we
get an understanding of any artist, writer, builder, painter etc? The only way
we have of gaining understanding of such people is to study their works. Similarly, to understand the Divine Creator of all life, we can study His creation
and come to appreciate Him through this. With our Creator, we have the
advantage that He is still with us and we have the means to communicate with
Him and form a life-long relationship.
The many ways
that studies of nature have confirmed the teachings of Islam are witness to the
truth of above. The Promised Messiah Hazrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmad (as) also
admonished us to realise the true purpose of our lives:
“Different
people, being short-sighted and lacking high resolve, appoint different
purposes for their lives and limit themselves to worldly goals and ambitions.
But the purpose that God Almighty has appointed for man in His holy word is as
follows: “I have created men and jinn
so that they may know Me and worship Me” (51: 57). Thus the true
purpose of man’s life is the worship of God, his understanding and complete
devotion to Him”.
Why would Allah
Almighty not want us His chosen creation, to appreciate His works? We must study His creation and support such
studies by our children, thereby gaining an understanding of Allah that will
aid our progress to His company. An
understanding of the developmental biology of the brain leads us to challenge
the ways we bring up our children in a way that should safeguard their future
under Islam wherever we may be living in this small world. Insha-Allah,
Ameen”.