The Family & The Youth
A question that is generally asked at the level of all generations and even among the young people of today: What good can a family bring? Of course, there will be different ways of thinking, of reasoning, of answering this question which torments the minds of many parents within the Ummah itself. And we can cite so many other cases where the parent-child relationship does not seem to be cordial. Why?
Yet according to a Hadith from Bukhari, the Holy Prophet (pbuh) explains that the family brings stability and ensures security. The family is the first place where we socialize, where we learn the rules of life in society. It allows you not to live alone, to become a parent, and to live with those whom you love, to strengthen community bonds through alliances [marriages].
But the most important thing about the family - for believers of the Ummah - is that it is the first place to learn about the existence of Allah (twt) as the Unique Creator, and the value of Islam.
The family is made up
of different ties and bond through blood and marriage [ties of kinship]. The
family bond unites all those who form part of the heirs. The bond of kinship
between brothers and sisters is reciprocate respect for one another, the firm
mind that one can neither be in love nor get married, especially since living
under the same parental roof, to one’s brother or sister and that both brother
and sister do not share the same room and understand that one cannot enter his
or her room at any time.
Sharing & Respect
The family spirit of living as a family is the spirit of sharing. It is in the very nature of human beings to seek to share with others. We thus share with our family a bond of life, habits of life, beliefs and values.
Allah (twt) is the Enlightened Warner concerning the value of the family and the integration of children into each family. He warns the Holy Prophet (pbuh) through the Quranic revelations. “Be afraid of breaking the blood ties.” (An-Nisa 4: 2).
Regrettably, too many young people do not realize that we do not choose our family, unlike our friends, who we can stop seeing when we want, but family ties are sacred.
When two people of the
opposite sex marry, their primary goal is to start a family. The family grows
when the children, when they become adults, start their own families.
Rights & Duties
RIGHTS: Respect, affection, cordial relation, [respecting the]
ties of kinship.
DUTIES: Respect for the rights of others, worshiping Allah The Unique, pampering and loving loved ones.
These rights and duties are clearly mentioned in the Holy Quran as instructions and warnings from Allah (twt).
It is therefore necessary to lead one’s life in this temporal life respecting the divine instructions. The reward will be the reunification of family members in Jannah - Paradise. Allah (twt) sends us this message of rewards through the Holy Quran. But conditions apply; these include, among others: being a true Muslim [submitting to the will of Allah], believing in the signs of Allah (twt), and repelling evil with good, as well as fulfilling our commitments to Allah (twt).
In order to fulfil one’s commitments to Allah (twt), one must show respect to parents and take care of them as they get older.
Respect for Relationships
Then, you need to have respect for family ties. Respect for family ties means, among other things, visiting relatives, calling someone who is far away, staying in permanent contact with mother and father, calling one’s brother or sister who has emigrated, supporting someone in need.
According to a Hadith reported by Bukhari, the prophet (pbuh) said: “The one who upholds ties of kinship is not the one who recompenses the good done to him by his relatives; rather, he is the one who keeps good relations with those relatives who had severed the bond of kinship with him.”
Many times it is found that not all members of the same family behave as recommended by Allah (twt) through the various verses of the Holy Quran. Sometimes the situation is so delicate that it is difficult to bear the bad behaviour of those you love.
Be warned! Allah (twt) does not force any human being to love this or that member of his/ her own family if he/ she deviates from the established Islamic principles. Allah (twt) only asks us to behave well with them and to respect them.
The only valid reason
for severing the kinship bond as explained by the Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)
is religious injustice. For example, the practice of Shirk - of
associating other deities in the worship of the Creator, of practicing
witchcraft, of falling on graves [Dargah] to seek benefits, of spending
time sowing discord among members of a family and finally those who are
violent.
What about the adolescents? What role do they have within the family? Who are they? What do they do? What behaviour is acceptable or not acceptable? How do they live? Why so many difficulties on their part? How to act and react in front of them? What to do?
Adolescence in the life of a human being is the most delicate period, the most difficult for him as well as for his parents, his relatives. It is the period of life between childhood and adulthood when puberty occurs and abstract thinking takes shape. Mainly physical changes occur - growth, sexual development, among others.
Even the language, the
voice, the abstract thought, the perception of life, the way of seeing life
bring about cognitive changes in the adolescent. And it is during this period
of this child’s life that parents should pay particular attention to this major
development. Any slippage on the part of parents - who are too aggressive and
severe - risks spoiling everything, because in many cases, we have seen the
failure of assured development in adolescents.
A Difficult Period
Human beings evolve throughout their life. Puberty remains a milestone, because it is at this moment that the body undergoes a major physical transformation which allows it to become a MAN or WOMAN.
This is the period during which the young person becomes aware of his body, his development, his environment, the differences between male and female sex and their implications, good or bad, and the behaviour of the parents.
Modern teens tend to say that nothing is good, that everything is upside down, that the world is unfair. They revolt, shock, become leaders of so many demonstrations that inconvenience society. In Islam, the child emerges from the family cocoon at the age of 7. This is the age when he begins to learn his Kalimah, his Salat, the little Surahs of the Holy Quran. He will spend less time with his mother or father or even with his siblings.
Puberty marks the transition from childhood to adulthood. The child becomes responsible for his actions before Allah (twt). He has reached the limit age of understanding the basics of Islam and it is his duty to act according to Allah’s prescriptions (twt).
Adolescent puberty marks the beginning of their responsibility for their actions. This is the time when Satan exerts his negative influence on him. It is during this period of his life that this teenager mostly dodges his Salat and spends his time in the streets instead of participating in Taraweeh during the Holy month of Ramadan. Many times the teenager becomes rebellious against the Salat, the Roza, the reading of the Holy Quran and other religious practices well established in Islam.
A fairly abrupt change in the thought process too often creates doubts in adolescents. It is difficult for him to distinguish between good and evil, between truth and lies, between virtue and vice, between Islamic principles of life and Western principles.
Very few adolescents will appreciate the directives, the instructions, the orders of the parents to take care of the little ones within the family, to take certain responsibilities in the family affairs, to be more serious in their studies in order to have better exam results, reduce the time spent with friends.
Adolescents think they
are old enough, educated enough, ready to face life as they think and want this
thought to be accepted by parents.
Drawing Close to Allah (twt)
Muslim teenagers need to understand that only Allah can protect them from the traps set by Satan. As they draw closer to Allah (twt), they will find stability in their life.
Succeeding in adolescence is therefore succeeding in creating a healthy identity: being a reliable, respectable and respected person, a member of the family with honour and loyalty - in short, good behaviour that does honour to the teenager and to those close to him.
What model to choose, follow, understand, study and adopt? Obviously, it is the behaviour and model of the Holy Prophet (pbuh). He is a beautiful role model, a perfect example not only for the teenager, but for all believers. He was a steadfast child, youth, and adult. He refrained from harming people regardless of their rank.
So every adolescent [young] of Jamaat Ul Sahih Al Islam and the Ummah as a whole must understand that life here on earth, especially during adolescence calls for proximity with [getting close to] Allah (twt). There is everything to gain; it just takes a little goodwill and genuine faith. Each young Muslim will then become a source of pride for his family. Insha-Allah. Ameen.
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