The
Holy Prophet Muhammad (sa) famously stated: ‘Behold, God has removed from you
the arrogance of pagan ignorance (jahiliyyah)
with its boast of ancestral glories. Man is but a God-conscious believer or an unfortunate
sinner. All people are children of Adam, and Adam was created out of dust'. The Holy Prophet (sa) reminds us that all the
world is family, and that he who renders the greatest service to God’s creation
is the dearest and nearest to him.
Allah (swt) states in the Holy Qur’an: ‘O mankind, We have created you from a male and a female; and We have made you into tribes and sub-tribes that you may recognize one another. Verily, the most honourable among you, in the sight of Allah, is he who is the most righteous among you. Surely, Allah is All-knowing, All-Aware.’ (49: 14)
Hence, in the Qur’anic view of
life, true honour doesn’t lie in our family origin, or socioeconomic status: the
only index or the criterion of superiority and greatness lies in the standard
of piety and righteous conduct (Taqwah).
In all the aspects of our daily life, we have the opportunity and responsibility
to act upon and live out God consciousness: being ever mindful of the moral and
ethical guidance of the Qur’an- in finding the right balance in all our
activities.
Right Conduct in Family Life
'O mankind, be mindful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from the two created and spread many men and women; and be mindful of your duty to Allah in Whose name you appeal to one another, and of your obligations in respect of ties of kinship. Verily, Allah watches over you.' (4:2)
Family is the basic unit of society. Marriage being an intense relationship, to work it requires much adjustment and understanding by both parties. Hence, Islam emphasizes on equitable fair dealing, kindness and affability. Reproduced below are several Prophetic traditions that emphasize upon compassion and benevolence and residual goodwill in the family space:
1. Abdullah ibn Amr ibn ‘As relates that the Holy Prophet said: 'The world is but a provision, and the best provision of the world is a good woman'. (Muslim)
2. Hazrat Ayesha (ra) relates: ‘I did not envy any of the wives of the Holy Prophet so much as I envied Khadijah (the first wife of the Holy Prophet), though I had never seen her. The Holy Prophet mentioned her often. When a goat was slaughtered, he would cut it into pieces and send them to Khadijah’s friends. Sometimes I would say to him: You talk of her as if there never was any woman in the world beside Khadijah; and he would say: She was such and such, and I had children from her.’ (Bokhari and Muslim)
3. Usamah ibn Zaid relates that the Holy Prophet (sa) said: ‘I am not leaving a more harmful trial for men than women’. (Bokhari and Muslim)
4. Abu Hurairah relates that the Holy Prophet (sa) said: 'Treat women kindly. Woman has been created from a rib and the most crooked part of the rib is the uppermost. If you try to straighten it you will break it and if you leave it alone it will remain crooked. So treat women kindly'. (Bokhari and Muslim)
5. Abu Shuraih Khuwailad ibn Amr Khuzai relates that the Holy Prophet (sa) said: 'Allah, I declare sinful any failure to safeguard the rights of two weak ones: orphans and women'. (Nisai)
6. Ayesha relates: A woman came to me begging with her two daughters; I could not find anything except a single date which I gave her. She divided it between her daughters and did not herself eat any of it. Then she got up and left. When the Holy Prophet came, I told him of it. He said: 'one who is tried with daughters and treats them well will find that they will become his shield from the Fire.' (Bokhari and Muslim)
7. Abu Hurairah relates that the Holy Prophet (sa) said: 'Let no Muslim man entertain any rancour against a Muslim woman. Should he dislike one quality in her, he would find another which is pleasing.' (Muslim)
8. Mu’awiah ibn Haidah relates: I asked the Holy Prophet: What is the right of a wife against her husband? He said: 'Feed her when you feed yourself, cloth her when you cloth yourself, do not strike her on her face, do not revile her and do not separate yourself from her except inside the house.' (Abu Daud)
9. Abu Hurairah relates that the Holy Prophet (sa) said: 'The most perfect of believers in the matter of faith is he whose behaviour is best, and the best of you are those who behave best towards their wives'. (Tirmidhi)
10. Sa’ad ibn Abi Waqqas relates in the course of a long hadith that the Holy Prophet said: 'Whatever you might spend seeking thereby the pleasure of Allah will have its reward, even that which you put in the mouth of your wife'. (Bokhari and Muslim)
11. Abu Hurairah relates that the Holy Prophet said: 'Of the dinar you spend in the cause of Allah; the dinar you spend in procuring the freedom of a slave; the dinar you give away in charity to the poor and the dinar you spend on your wife and children, the highest in respect of reward is the one you spend on your wife and children'. (Muslim)
12. Abu Hurairah relates that the Holy Prophet (sa) said: 'Had I ordained that a person should prostrate himself before another, I would have commanded that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.' (Tirmidhi)
13. Umm Salamah relates that the Holy Prophet said: ‘If a woman dies and her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Paradise’. (Tirmidhi)
‘The best of you are those who behave best towards their wives’.... This means, the best among you is the one who is excellent in the treatment of his wife. How can one who does not treat and consort with his wife in a kind and noble manner be righteous? A person can only be good and virtuous in the matter of other people when he treats his wife benevolently and lives with her amicably; not if over petty matters he abuses and beats her. There have been examples of certain cases where an angered man became enraged with his wife on a trivial issue and hit her, and as a result, his wife sustained an injury at a sensitive spot, which caused her death. Therefore, in favour of women, Allah the Exalted states:
And consort with them in kindness. (4:20)
Of
course, if someone’s wife does something inappropriate, it is necessary to
strongly advise her. The duty of a husband is to firmly ingrain into the heart
of his wife that he can never be pleased with any action that is against the
teachings of religion, but also, he must demonstrate that he is not so cruel
and oppressive that he cannot overlook her faults.
A
husband is, to his wife, a reflection of Allah the Exalted. It is narrated in a
Hadith that if Allah Almighty had permitted one to prostrate before anyone
other than God, He would order a wife to prostrate before her husband. A
husband must possess both a nature of strength and tenderness…
Similarly,
we learn from the Holy Quran and Hadith that the relationship of a disciple
with their spiritual guide ought to be like the relationship of a wife with her
husband. A follower must not refuse any command given to them by their
spiritual guide, nor ask for any justifications. This is why the Holy Qur'an
states: 'Guide us in the
right path—the path of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy blessings.' (1:6-7)
This
means that one must commit themselves to the path of those upon whom Allah has
bestowed His blessings…’