Anger Management in Islam
Anger is a natural
feeling that exists in every person; but Islam has taught that one must control
one’s anger and not express it in a brutal manner. Allah has given clear
guidance in the Holy Qur’an and the Holy Prophet Hazrat Muhammad Mustapha
(pbuh) has shown by his own example how a Muslim must live with patience, gentleness
and discipline. Anger is a poison that destroys family relations, marital
relations and social relations; and whoever allows anger to dominate loses the
blessings of Allah. Whoever succeeds in suppressing his anger gains immense
reward in the Hereafter.
In the Holy Qur’an, Allah says: “The pious are those who spend in prosperity and in difficulty; those who control their anger and forgive people; and Allah loves those who do good.” (Al-Imran 3: 135)
This verse shows that
controlling anger is a sign of piety. Whoever forgives gains the love of Allah.
In another verse, Allah
says: “And those who avoid major sins and
shameful deeds, and when they are angry, they forgive.” (Ash-Shura, 42: 38)
This shows that
forgiveness is a quality that believers must develop within themselves. Hazrat
Muhammad (pbuh) said: “Whoever suppresses his anger, while he is able to
express it, Allah will call him before all creatures on the Day of Judgement
and will give him the choice among the houris (whichever he desires).” (Ibn
Majah). This reward shows that when one succeeds in controlling anger, it is an
act of faith.
Anger within the family
is the most dangerous; for it destroys love, trust and respect. In the relationship
between husband and wife, anger can transform a small disagreement into a great
war. The Holy Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (pbuh) showed gentleness towards his
wives; Hazrat Aisha (ra) narrated that he (pbuh) would remain in the service of
his family at home, and when the time for prayer came, he would leave for Salat.
(Bukhari)
This shows that a
husband must balance between family service and religious obligations. In Surah
An-Nisa (4: 35), Allah gives directives concerning marital conflicts:
Firstly, there must be
dialogue; if a wife is at fault, her husband or an arbitrator who is neither
biased towards the wife nor towards the husband, and who knows the Islamic
regulations concerning marital duties, must explain to the wife her
responsibilities and duties.
Secondly, passive
action may be taken; that is, the husband may show his displeasure by
separating himself from the marital bed, as a warning to his wife that she has
crossed a limit that should not be crossed. If after this there is no change,
Allah says in Surah An-Nisa (4: 36):
“If you
fear a rupture, then appoint an arbitrator from the husband’s family and an
arbitrator from the wife’s family; if both desire reconciliation, Allah will
make that reconciliation succeed.”
If despite all efforts
at reconciliation the situation remains the same or worsens, then, as a last
resort, there is divorce. Thus, Allah shows us through His commandments that
anger must never be expressed through violence; but through wisdom, dialogue
and patience.
The Holy Prophet (pbuh)
said: “The best among you is the one who is most kind to his wife; and I am
the most kind to my wives among you.” (Ibn Majah).
This Hadith shows that
gentleness in the family is a criterion of human greatness. Whoever has
patience with his wife gains the respect of Allah. Whoever lets his/ her anger
dominate (he/ she) destroys the marital relationship. In another Hadith, Hazrat
Muhammad (pbuh) said: “A strong man is not the one who overcomes others with
his physical strength; but he is the one who controls himself when he is
angry.” (Bukhari)
This shows that true
strength is self-control; that is, when one does not allow oneself to be
provoked by others, when one does not let the impulse of anger react. A
believer must always remember that anger comes from Satan; therefore he must
always discipline himself not to respond to anger (when others seek to provoke
him) with anger.
So, how should anger be
managed?
Firstly, recite Taawwuz:
“A’ouzu billahi minash-shaytanir-rajim”
(Bukhari, Muslim). This phrase is a protection against Shaytan.
Secondly, change
position; if one is standing, sit down; if still angry, lie down. (Abu Dawud).
Thirdly, perform Wudu;
Hazrat Muhammad (pbuh) said: “Anger comes from Satan; Satan is created from
fire; and fire is extinguished only with water; therefore whoever is angry must
perform Wudu.” (Abu Dawud). Water extinguishes fire. One should also drink
water to help calm oneself when angry.
Fourthly, especially
for parents, when they are angry, they must never correct a child while angry.
They must wait until their anger subsides and then decide how to correct the
child. If they do not control their anger with their children at the moment of
anger, then this will not be good, especially if they – the parents – use harsh
words, vulgar words, and the children learn from their parents’ behaviour
things that Islam does not teach, and this becomes a pass for the children too,
where they learn from their parents impulsive reactions and hurtful words when
angry. On the contrary, the best way to deal with situations with children is
with wisdom and gentleness, but also with firmness.
Therefore, one must
remember that in family relations, anger can destroy respect between parents
and children. A parent who corrects a child in anger may use vulgar words, may
beat the child brutally; and this destroys trust in the child. The Holy Prophet
(pbuh) said: “Whoever does not show tenderness (mercy) towards the little
ones, and does not show respect towards the elders, is not among us.”
(Tirmidhi).
This shows that
gentleness and respect are essential in family relations. Anger can destroy
this gentleness. Therefore, a parent must wait until his anger passes before
correcting his child. Correction must be done with wisdom, not brutality.
In the relationship
between brothers and sisters, anger can destroy family unity. A small
disagreement can turn into a great conflict if anger is expressed brutally. The
Holy Qur’an teaches forgiveness and patience. Whoever forgives gains the love
of Allah. Whoever lets anger dominate loses the blessings of Allah. In the
relationship between friends, anger can destroy friendship. The Holy Prophet
Hazrat Muhammad (pbuh) advised believers not to cut relations with their
brothers (be them brothers by blood and brothers in Islam) for more than three
days; whoever cuts relations for more than three days falls into sin. (Bukhari,
Muslim, Abu Dawud). This shows that anger must not persist; one must strive to
calm one’s anger and the anger of others through forgiveness and
reconciliation.
Anger can also destroy
society. A society filled with anger is filled with violence, hatred and
division. Look at what happened in Australia with a father and his son and
their hatred for the Jews. Look at what is happening with the hatred that
Zionist Jews have for Muslims, where they seek to annihilate Muslims and take
control of the world (not only Palestine) in order to spread a teaching that
Hazrat Ibrahim (as) or Hazrat Musa (as) and the other prophets of Bani Isra’il
never taught! Look at the hatred of extremists within Islam, who use Islam for
their own interests to spread fear everywhere.
Therefore, you must
know that Islam has never taught violence. Allah has never commanded to attack
first, except if it is by divine revelation – where Allah knows what is in the
hearts of the enemies and what plans they are making to destroy Islam. In the
absence of divine revelation, a believer must base himself upon the teachings
of the Qur’an and the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (pbuh) and preach Islam in
the clear way that Allah has commanded, that is, without using force and
without violence.
The overall teaching of
Islam shows that believers must act with gentleness, mercy and discipline.
Whoever controls his anger gains respect; whoever forgives gains love. In the
Holy Qur’an, Allah says:
“And the
servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth with humility;
and when the ignorant address them, they reply – Salaam (peacefully).” (Al-Furqan 25: 64).
This shows that
responding with gentleness is a sign of servitude to Allah. Whoever responds
with anger falls into the trap of Satan.
In summary, anger is a
poison, but patience is a remedy. In marital relations, anger can destroy love
but patience can strengthen respect. In family relations, anger can destroy
trust but gentleness can strengthen unity. In society, anger can destroy peace
but forgiveness can strengthen brotherhood.
Islam teaches
discipline, gentleness and mercy. Our beloved Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (pbuh) is
a perfect model for us all; following him is following the path of peace and
eternal happiness. Whoever suppresses anger gains extraordinary inner strength;
whoever forgives gains divine light. Anger is a test while patience is the key;
and whoever gains patience gains success in life and in the Hereafter.
May Allah grant you, my disciples and all sincere believers in the world, this patience and success, and make you victorious over your own anger and passions. Insha-Allah, Ameen.
---Friday Sermon of 19 December 2025~ 28 Jamadi'ul Aakhir 1447 AH delivered by Imam- Jamaat Ul Sahih Al Islam International Hazrat Imam Muhyiuddin Al Khalifatullah Munir Ahmad Azim (aba) of Mauritius.