Spirituality is not a
set of vague feelings experienced by the Muslim but a daily practice for
success in this world and the hereafter.
Cohabitation (Married life)
is not easy because our desire to be free and not be constrained by the other
is greater than our desire to build a family. But for the Muslim, family is
sacred. As stated in the Quran, we must reflect on the place of every word, of
every verse.
“Among His signs is that He created from
yourselves wives so that you find tranquillity with them and He has set between
you bonds of love and mercy.” (Ar-Rum 30: 22).
The survival of
humanity passes through the family. Currently, we are witnessing the decline of
marriage. On the other hand, concubinage is becoming more frequent as well as
conflicts which arise because of it. The consequence of concubinage worldwide
is that over 20% of children are born outside marriage.
No law in the Civil
Code or other speaks of the duty to love. But in Islam, marriage will live by
love or last by mercy. And this love is a blessing which Allah deposits in the
heart of whomever He wills.
“Those who say: ‘O our
Lord! Grant us in our wives and our offspring the joy of our eyes and make us
guides to those who are pious (God-fearing).’ Those will be rewarded
with the highest place (in Paradise) because of their patience. Therein they
shall be met with salutations and peace.” (Al-Furqan, 25: 75-76).
Before announcing the reward,
there is beforehand the verse where we understand that love is a gift from God.
Among His servants, there are those who say: “Lord, let the sight of our wives and our children fill us with joy.”
This love will be directly related to paradise and guidance.
Take the example of the
Holy Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (pbuh) in the way he treated his wives, and he
vowed exceptional love for his two principal wives: Khadija (ra) and Aisha
(ra). He always spoke good of his late wife Hazrat Khadija (ra). Hazrat Aisha
(ra) was jealous of Hazrat Khadija (ra) despite the fact that she had ever seen
her. The Holy Prophet (pbuh) used to reminiscence her (Khadija) very often. And
it was always in a good way. He had good relations with the relatives of Khadija
(ra) even after the death of the latter. He used to send meat to her friends
and stood up to receive them as soon as he saw them. That is why, Aisha (ra)
was very jealous of her.
By doing this, the Holy
Prophet (pbuh) comes to give us an important lesson for marital stability:
Loving your spouse is to love and honour the parents and relatives of the
latter. The Holy Prophet (pbuh) dreamed of his wife Khadija (ra) and he related
that dream to Aisha (ra). He had seen an angel bring Khadija (ra) in a sheet.
Besides, his marriage to Aisha (ra) began with a divinely inspired dream
expressing the status of Aisha (ra) in his life, that is to say, she is his wife.
Also, the Holy Prophet
(pbuh) used to go out with his wives. He needed to be with his wife (Aisha)
especially at the end of his life. It is reported that a Persian neighbour of
the Holy Prophet (pbuh) had invited him and the Holy Prophet (pbuh) asked if
his wife could come, and the neighbour refused. The Holy Prophet (pbuh) had three
times declined the invitation until finally his wife also was invited.
When Aisha (ra) was
really angry against the Holy Prophet (pbuh) she used to say: “No, by the God of Ibrahim!” to express
her disagreement with the Holy Prophet (pbuh) and when everything was fine
between them, she used to say: “Yes, by
the God of Muhammad!” Aisha (ra) said she only moved away from his name.
Anger does not erase
anything of commitment: everyone can get angry. Mood swings even existed in the
family of the Holy Prophet (pbuh). But one should not exaggerate those
differences so that Satan may not jump at the chance to inflame the situation
further.
How Khadija (ra) and Aisha (ra) behaved with
the Prophet (pbuh)?
Khadijah (ra) used to warmly welcome her husband and supported him morally and
financially. Aisha (ra) knew the habits of the Holy Prophet (pbuh) and
respected them. Indeed, when the Holy Prophet (pbuh) was sick, she resumed his
habits. One day, the son of Abu Bakr (ra) came to the Prophet (pbuh) with his Siwaak; the Holy Prophet (pbuh) looked at
the Siwaak and Aisha (ra) immediately
understood he wanted to brush his teeth with a Siwaak.
Love and spirituality
walk hand in hand. Spouses encourage each other to do good. The husband who
seeks nearness to God, wants the same for his wife and vice versa. They both prepare
for their stay in the afterlife. For a marriage to be successful, love is
required, but it may be that after the passage of time, there is no more love;
thus there remains only mercy (Rahmah).
Why stay together in Mercifulness?
a) The
couple is bound by their children; the mother foremost.
“Mothers shall suckle their children for
two whole years; (that is) for those who wish to complete the suckling. The
duty of feeding and clothing nursing mothers in a seemly manner is upon the
father of the child. No-one should be charged beyond his capacity. A mother
should not be made to suffer because of her child, nor should he to whom the
child is born (be made to suffer) because of his child. And on the (father's)
heir is incumbent the like of that (which was incumbent on the father).” (Al-Baqara, 2: 234).
b) For
economic reasons.
To
tender to the needs of the wife and mother (of one’s child/ children) in the
case of separation because she usually is financially dependent on her husband.
c) In
memory of the sentiments shared earlier, the road travelled together.
We are
all concerned with (having) one or more defects (or those of our spouses). It
may be that over time the attraction to our wife or our husband (for the
ladies) disappears and there remains only mercy (Rahmah).
d) To
ignore weaknesses.
“... And live with them in kindness. For
if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much
good.” (An-Nisa, 4: 20)
The Holy Prophet (pbuh)
said: “A believer must
not hate a believing woman (i.e. his wife): if
he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”
About Children: Sayyidina Ali (ra) advised his followers:
“Do not force your children to
behave like you, for surely they have been created for a
time which is different to your time.” We must let the
children thrive, while supporting them. This is one of the first fundamental
rights of the child to be bestowed by the parents so that they learn to know
and love God and His prophet. Insha-Allah.
ISLAMIC NEW YEAR: MUHARRAM 1438 AH
By the grace of Allah, in
a few days we will enter the first month of the Islamic New Year, Muharram of the
Year 1438 After Hijra. I hope that this New Year witness the spiritual progress
of each of my followers around the world, as well as the other Muslims. May
Allah bless us during this new Islamic year and still prepares us more solidly
for the mission He gave us. May Allah accept our humble prayers and efforts for
the consolidation of the Islamic Ummah
and to spread the fragrance of His unicity and glory in the world. Insha-Allah, Ameen. On that note, I wish
you all a blessed Islamic New Year (Naya Saal
Mubarak).
---Friday Sermon of 30 September 2016 ~(28 Dhul-Hijjah 1437 Hijri) delivered by Khalifatullah Hadhrat Munir Ahmad Azim Saheb (atba) of Mauritius.